Over my quiet Chinese New Year Holiday, I had quite a bit of free time. A drastic contrast to the exciting week before, I spent half of the holiday sick with a flu, and the other half of it watching movies, napping and visiting friends. I had a lot of free time, time to think and reflect how things were rapidly progressing.
I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed my time alone (my roommates were out on vacation), and didn’t mind not being around anyone but myself. It was a time to recover, rest and strengthen.
Unfortunately, stillness breeds unrest. My mind started to (and still sort of is) on unsettling things. One of my fears is the fear of not being the best, a fear of not growing as faster than everyone else. When I play competitively in computer games, I MUST be the best at it. (Now that I think about it, it is finally clear, and it’s true.) I started fearing that other people were growing (in their jobs) faster than I did. I would compare them to me, who seemingly is moving at a slower pace, even though I thought I was doing my best.
This unrest pushes me to study and work harder, to think outside the box, and to act pro-actively in order to further my progress. Question: is it OK to feel this way? to always be unsatisfied? to always want more?
Human Beings are driven by either pain or pleasure. Right now I feel that pain is driving me forward. I am going to improve drastically, I will see it, everyone will see it.
Amidst the fire of passion, is the calm of reason; “Patience, Young One. Make use of this time to prepare yourself. Your time will come.” It doesn’t have to be loud and chaotic for things to be exciting, even stillness can bring progress.
Yah it does make more sense now…be patient.
David's Dreams 