Slow…

When my life slows down from the usual exciting pace as it is (non stop challenging and exciting activities everyday) something has to fill the void. (Even blogging makes me sleepy!) What fills in the void are things like laziness, lack of motivation, idleness, procrastination, hesitation.

I know my dad would say “It’s good to have balance between busy and rest.”

I just can’t help but feel guilty about doing NOTHING! I mean there are times where I just need to do nothing, and that’s useful, but there are times where I do nothing…and i feel that nothing is gained out of it. I feel like im in Canada again, in university and nothing much is getting done (until exams :D).

Maybe a lack of momentum builds potential energy, like the frustration of not doing anything or the building desire to take action). I guess the biggest frustration is hesitation. I think my whole life, I am a perpetual hesitater. I think hesitation arises when there is too much time for thinking and analysing. Especially when it comes to big decisions, renting houses, buying clothes :P, working, and most importantly of all, relationships.

I was just saying to a v good friend of mine that I’ve noticed that when I get worried about something, I would sometimes worry excessively about it (the negative possibilities.) But there always was a point where I crossed a threshold, most likely from overly and obsessively worrying about it, and then I just stopped caring about getting it right and just did it normally.

Like when i started working here in Singapore, I hesitated a lot because i didn’t understand my environment. But then it quickly came apparent that there was no time to hesitate and so i just ‘chiong’ed (Go for it!) and dealt with the results.

Like when I was practicing my training material in front of my colleagues, I hesitated ’cause i wanted to get it right.

Getting it right. We all want everything to be right, but rarely it is.

 

Maybe when I imagine all the things I want in my life and how perfect it is, I do find it hard to believe it will ever come true. But when I look back at what I’ve dreamed about happening and what actually resulted in reality, I am so grateful that it did just happened, maybe not the exactly the way I had imagined, but it now is reality!

And there have been times where reality has exceed the expectations I had in mind. Like recently I treated my friend out for her birthday. I looked long and far for a gift that would be just right (can’t be too common, or too expensive :P) I finally found a gift (a book) and wrapped it the best i could and hoped for the best. You know I always have this fear when i buy a present that it’s not meaningful enuf for the person. So I told myself that ‘it’s the company that matters!’ Anyways, I thought that night went fairly well, better than I imagined actually. And I didn’t worry about it at all. Gotta luv the law of attraction.

The best and most amazing thing happen when worrying stops. “Embrace the present.” I’ve heard people say. I’m only human what… I worry because I care, I feel responsible. Do I have to be afraid of what’s in my heart?

So maybe if I worry and hesitate , it only means that I care. And maybe if I stop worrying, it means I care too much to let worrying get in the way.

Ahh give me an opportunities!

Thanks you for listening, encouraging. and caring.

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2 thoughts on “Slow…

  1. hey v gd fren! ^o~
    u noe wen u put efforts in smtg, the receiver can feel it… so rest assured she noes it.
    oh blogging.. unlike u, it is another effective therapy for me… like a deposit for too many day thoughts and they need a “thot-stop” to stop over whilst i get my gd nite sleep!!!
    i can relate totally to ur situation & feelings now cos i slip in & out of it myself at times! When I worked too hard.. u noe being traditonally yoga trained, i am always consciously checking balance. so i will plan the next week relaxing & slack & do wateva i like (u noe shopping, idling, dreaming!)… cos those ey days had made me realise i am no 9-5 robot conforming person and must work with objective in check.
    lack of motivation is always the reason for me.. like y am i working hard, making sacrifices, travelling all the long way to the east, north, south for wat… working twds others’ ideals…dealing wif different ppl … carrying heavy stuffs… gettin that clarification.
    then i told myself, there must b a reason for me to go thru these (God’s plan). As a business owner, i certainly have to do all these too (gg all out to get things done & no excuses) and eventually get a car will solve all these probs! like i actually spent so much every mth i tink i can actually afford a car if i dun splurge. & i really do get a car, it means i gotto start skimping? hmm…. or rather to raise that threshold of earnings! Still, my shopping devil shld also b subdued. (haaa but how wen my visual idea of shopping is therapeutic & devilish… & the fact that i love being rebel & devilish doesnt quite help to repel the shopg queen identity & attraction…. hur hur…)

    haaa now ur comment box becomes my thot deposit too?! haa!
    good stuffs here! tks for sharing …
    (;

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